Why the Holidays Leave Us Exhausted (And What Chinese Medicine Teaches Us About It)

There's a particular kind of tired that shows up in December. You know the one—where you're simultaneously wired and exhausted, running on adrenaline and sugar cookies, trying to make everything magical for your kids while secretly counting down the days until it's all over.

The parties. The concerts. The gifts for family, friends, neighbors, teachers, mail carriers. The Christmas cards and family newsletters. The traditions you promised yourself you'd keep this year. The Pinterest-perfect cookies you're pretty sure you don't have time to bake but feel guilty about anyway.

All of these things are good. Genuinely good. But when they're all compressed into a few weeks, layered on top of regular life that doesn't pause for the holidays, they stop feeling good and start feeling like too much.

I see this every year—parents looking gray around the edges, running on fumes, trying so hard to create magic for their children that they've depleted themselves entirely. And the hard part? They feel guilty about feeling depleted. Like somehow they should be able to do it all with a smile.

What Chinese Medicine Sees When We Burn Out

Here's what I've learned studying Chinese medicine: the exhaustion we feel during the holidays isn't a character flaw or a failure of willpower. It's a predictable consequence of asking our bodies to do something they weren't designed to do.

In Chinese medicine, winter is a yin season. It asks us to turn inward, rest more, move more slowly, conserve our energy. Think of bears hibernating, seeds dormant in frozen ground, trees with bare branches directing all their resources to their roots. This is the natural rhythm of winter.

But modern American holidays? They demand yang—outward energy, constant activity, bright lights, social gatherings, late nights, rich foods, emotional highs, relentless productivity. We're asking our bodies to sprint when the season is telling them to rest.

It's like trying to force a tulip bulb to bloom in December. You can pump it full of artificial light and heat, and it might even produce a flower. But it won't be sustainable, and come spring—when tulips are actually supposed to bloom—that bulb will have nothing left to give.

The Ancient Wisdom We've Forgotten

The Huang Di Nei Jing (Yellow Emperor's Inner Canon), one of the foundational texts of Chinese medicine written over 2,000 years ago, has an entire chapter on what happens when we overdo things. It's called 宣明五氣 (Xuān Míng Wǔ Qì), and it discusses the "five strains":

久視傷血 - Too much looking damages the Blood

久臥傷氣 - Too much lying down damages the Qi

久坐傷肉 - Too much sitting damages muscle

久立傷骨 - Too much standing damages the bones

久行傷筋 - Too much walking damages the joints

The principle here isn't that looking, lying down, sitting, standing, or walking are bad. It's that prolonged anything—doing too much of any one thing—creates imbalance and eventually damages the body.

During the holidays, we're doing prolonged everything. Prolonged social interaction. Prolonged rich eating. Prolonged late nights. Prolonged mental stimulation. Prolonged emotional output.

And our bodies respond the way bodies do when we ask too much: they start breaking down.

What Holiday Burnout Actually Looks Like

In Chinese medicine terms, doing too much depletes us in specific, recognizable ways:

Qi Depletion

This is the exhaustion where you feel like you're moving through mud. Everything takes more effort than it should. You catch every cold that goes around. You need coffee just to feel functional. You're short-tempered with your kids over small things because you have no reserves left for patience.

Qi is our body's usable energy—the fuel that keeps us going. When we spend it faster than we can replenish it, we run on empty. And unlike cars, we can't just pull over and refuel in five minutes. Qi depletion takes time to restore.

Yin Deficiency

Yin is the cooling, moistening, restful aspect of our energy. It's what allows us to sleep deeply, stay hydrated, feel calm, and regenerate.

When we deplete our yin through too much activity and not enough rest, we see symptoms like:

• Difficulty falling or staying asleep (even though you're exhausted)

• Dry skin, dry eyes, dry mouth

• Feeling internally "buzzy" or restless

• Night sweats

• Irritability that feels like being rubbed raw

It's the feeling of being simultaneously wired and tired, where your body is exhausted but your nervous system won't turn off.

Shen Disturbance

"Shen" refers to our spirit, consciousness, the part of us that feels settled and recognizably ourselves. The Heart houses the Shen in Chinese medicine, and when the Heart is calm, we feel grounded, present, emotionally balanced.

Holiday burnout disturbs the Shen. You'll notice it as:

• Anxiety that seems to come from nowhere

• Racing thoughts, especially at night

• Emotional reactivity—small things trigger big responses

• Feeling disconnected from yourself or your life

• The sense that you're going through motions but not really present

This is especially prevalent in parents right around December 20th. They're still showing up, still doing all the things, but there's a glazed quality to their eyes. The Shen has scattered from overwhelm.

The Permission We Need to Give Ourselves

Here's what I want you to hear: feeling depleted during the holidays doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It means you're human, living in a culture that has fundamentally misunderstood what this season is supposed to be about.

The solution isn't to try harder, be more organized, or have better time management (though those things might help around the edges). The solution is to recognize that we're working against our body's natural rhythms and make conscious choices to support ourselves differently.

In Scandinavia, they have a concept called hygge (pronounced hoo-gah). There's a song about it in the Broadway musical Frozen that captures it perfectly:

"Hygge means comfortable, hygge means cozy, Hygge means sitting by the fire with your cheeks all rosy. Hygge means candlelight, hygge means easy, Hygge means all together playing, how you say? Parcheesi."

This is the energy winter actually asks for. Comfortable. Cozy. Candlelight. Easy. Together.

Notice what's not in that description: Frantic. Perfectionistic. Impressive. Exhausting.

What If We Listened to What Winter Is Actually Asking?

Imagine if we approached the holidays the way our bodies are designed to experience winter: more rest, warmer foods, earlier bedtimes, quieter activities, smaller gatherings, deeper connections with fewer people.

Imagine if instead of trying to do everything, we asked ourselves: "What actually matters? What brings genuine joy versus what feels like obligation?"

I'm not suggesting we cancel Christmas (though sometimes I've wanted to). I'm suggesting we get honest about the difference between what nourishes us and what depletes us, even among good things.

Dallin H. Oaks once said: "As we consider various choices, we should remember that it is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best."

Not everything good deserves a yes. Not this season, when our resources are finite and our bodies are asking for rest.

What's Coming in This Series

Over the next few weeks, I'm going to share practical ways to protect your energy during the holidays while still experiencing joy, connection, and meaning. We'll cover:

• How to identify what actually matters versus what you think "should" matter

• Specific practices to support your body's Qi, yin, and Shen through busy weeks

• Ways to help your children stay regulated when everything around them is overstimulating

• Simple rituals that feel magical without draining you

• How to say no (even to good things) without guilt

The goal isn't to have a perfect holiday season. The goal is to arrive at January with something left in your tank, having actually been present for the moments that mattered.

Because here's the truth: your children don't need perfect. They need you—present, regulated, and connected. And that version of you can only exist if you're not running on fumes.

Want support throughout the entire holiday season? I'm sending monthly emails with practices, recipes, and encouragement for staying grounded through December. Plus, subscribers get my free "Holiday Energy Audit" worksheet to help you identify what's actually depleting you.

Next in this series: Creating a holiday plan that protects your energy instead of depleting it—including the question that will change how you approach every invitation and obligation.